Control

I represent your loss of control.

I never have been one to follow what everyone wants and I've never been able to bring myself to follow what I'm told easily.  I've often been involved in meetings and "talks" where others want to talk to me about what is going to go on, or which direction "we'll be going in."  Talks about which direction our lives are going to go in.  It seems like always I'm expected to jump on board, go along with things 100% and put every effort I have into things with absolutely no thought. 

Then the worst thing possible happens.  They all say the same thing.... "What do you think?"

I'm never sure what to do with this.  Normally my answers infuriate people no matter how I word it.  I bring up questions that haven't been thought of and I always get the same thing "It'll be alright" or "we'll deal with it when we get to it."

If it's a work situation, then I have no choice.  I go along with whatever it was.  I prefer plans to be well thought and part of a process.  If they are, great, it works fine for me. 

My big problem is in my life.

Since I've had a child in my life, I tend to try to play things safe with money and in the moves that I make.  I haven't had much luck with this, obviously.  I tried to err on the side of caution, taking the question of "whats the worst that can happen" and figuring out if that impact would be manageable.   Many times it simply was not.  Saying no wasn't fun, it was simply a means to stem the bleeding and try to salvage what typically appeared to be a very reckless, haphazardly executed plan that would have a long term impact.  I wasn't successful, actually the only thing I ever really was able to do was to foster resentment of me.

The element that wasn't,  isn't and never will be controllable is me. 

Of course now, there is only me and I'll be able to play fast and loose, take control and take chances that I never would have because of the possible impact on my family. 

Hey, no more family. 

Controlling another person is a slippery slope to try to walk.  It won't ever work and it really will only make the person that tries to do the controlling angry and resentful.  Eventually it will end.  It will end badly.  I suppose no one thinks these things through.